Numb...

Numb is a curious word. At work it is my greatest ally, but in my personal life it is my nemesis. Numb is defined as: deprived of physical sensation or the ability to move; incapable of action or of feeling emotion; lacking or deficient in emotion or feeling; indifferent. Sometimes a blessing, and sometimes a curse.

While at work I have seen many things that would cause most people to break. Emergency services are not for the weak stomached or weak minded. I have seen peoples insides on the outside, decapitation, child deaths and deaths of those that were way to young, along with a host of other disturbing images and smells. One of the main reasons I have survived is due to my “switch.” It seems that I was born with, or developed over time, a switch that shuts my emotions off. In essence, making me numb to everything and able to concentrate on my job. Here numbness is my ally and a great friend. It has kept me sane and focused on my job throughout my years in emergency services.

At home is where the numbness turns on me and becomes my greatest foe. I love my wife and kids with every fiber of my existence. Other than my relationship with God, they are the most important things on this earth to me. However, when little bumps in the road start to occur in our personal lives, my switch gets flipped on. This does not cause any major problems in my relationship with my wife, because she knows that it is there and can tell when it has been thrown. Where being numb really becomes a problem is when the little bumps don’t stop for months, and when the bumps keep getting bigger and more frequent. That is when the switch gets stuck on.

When this happens, I almost reach a point of depression. I get very close to shutting down. My motivation disappears. I can’t sleep. I either can’t eat or I eat until I want to throw up and feel miserable. Somehow during these feelings, I continue to function as a husband and father, but I am numb. My joy feels zapped, jokes are not as funny, the world just looks and feels distant and different. When this happens, I thank God for giving me a strong wife to love me and stand by my side with complete understanding.

The only way that I get my switch to turn back off is spending time with my wonderful family and spending time with God. Yes I said God. I pray, listen to praise and worship music, I get deeper into studying my Bible. I try to shut out the entire world except for God, my family and my church family (the things that make me the happiest in the world). I surround myself with life-giving things and I slowly make my way back into the world emotionally.

I guess with all things in life it comes down to this: balance. Finding the balance where my switch is only on at work and is off when I walk out of the firehouse. I haven't struggled with this much lately, but I felt a great desire to put this out there. So, I hope this helps someone see that they are not alone in their struggles and with God and great family support, you can break the cycle and no longer be numb.

Thanks for stopping by and God Bless!!!

From burnout to warrior...

The Lord is a warrior; the Lord is his name. Exodus 15:3

I know I've said this many times (and this probably won't be the last), but we have an amazing leader in Pastor Chad at Destiny Church. He delivers such relevant teaching and many times spoken words for many at the perfect time. This past Sunday was one of those perfect times.

First, let me say I am going through a very difficult time in my life. I have reached a point of burnout. I find it very hard just to get out of bed in the morning, but by God's grace I get up and make it through the day. I hope you don't mind if I am completely transparent for a bit, but I really need a time of refreshing from God really bad. However, I don't really have the time to get away or the financial means to get away. So here I go, trying to continue doing the work God has called me to do and go from burnout to warrior!!!

Back to this past weekend. I am gonna try to make this short and sweet. The challenge that Pastor Chad has put on the men of Destiny Church is what I think needs to happen in every home. So here are the cliff notes. It is time for men to be men. Step up and be a MAN!!! Stop letting this world try to make you a female and be a push over. The world (especially the American mentality) is trying to castrate men and take away our natural tendency to be dominant in all we do. Men are made to be the leaders of their homes; physically and spiritually. One of the best quotes from Pastor Chad this weekend was, "The world is trying to turn men into women and the results are in: MEN DO NOT MAKE GOOD WOMEN." It is time for men to go from being forced into this unnatural role and become warriors.

Now, I'm not saying a woman has to stay home and be "bare foot and pregnant in the kitchen." It is just time for the men of the church to step up and lead their families. Men, it is your responsibility to lead your family to Christ, to provide for their needs and protect them from this world. We have to stop being pushovers and letting our families be beaten down and run over by the perversions of this world. It is time for men to spend time with their children (this one is for me too). It's time to stop sitting in front of the tv or video game and play with our kids or love our wives. Get up, go for a walk, play catch, go to a playground, have a date. Just be the head of your family and be there for them and with them.

Here is going to be a tough part to swallow. Men and women, you are your children's PARENTS not best friends. It's time to stop letting our daughters leave the house in clothes that advertise their physical attributes. It's time to teach our sons to be gentlemen and treat females like ladies, no matter who they are. It's time to teach our daughters to be ladies and not act like they are for sale and to save themselves for marriage. It is time for discipline, when our kids do something wrong they need to learn what they did is wrong and accept their punishment. Our kids must learn that WE are in charge of our homes not them, and we will not be pushovers anymore.

Bottom line, men be MEN!!! You can be loving, compassionate and strong. You can be fathers, protectors of your families, and lovers to your wife. You can do these things, you just have to be a MAN, a warrior, a leader.

There is your challenge and it will not be easy, but it is time to go lead and love your kids and wives!!! Thanks for stopping by and God Bless!!!

Working through vacation...

1 Peter 4:10 (NIV)

Each of you should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in it's various forms.

I am very lucky in my job at the fire department in the fact that I get lots of vacation time. So much in fact that I had to take the entire month of May off so that I wouldn't lose any vacation that I was accruing. My family and I had several plans of fun things to do during this time, but unfortunately every single plan we had made was cancelled for some reason or another. This really bummed me out and made me want to pull my hair out.

So, during my vacation time, I worked at church to get better at setting up all of our technical things for services. I have even learned to set up the stage lighting during this time. I have worked more hours than my wife really wanted me to, but I have been getting a lot of stuff done. I have been joking that I need to go back to work to get some rest.

A major part of the work that I have done in the second half of the month has been to help those affected in the Joplin tornado. On the evening it happened, I was called into work at the FD. I joined the crew that was requested to go to Joplin. I spent all night in staging at Joplin after getting to see some of the devastation. Unfortunately, it took so long for rescue to get organized that we had to leave before being allowed to do any search.

After we got back, I went home, changed clothes, came to church, and we loaded a 24ft trailer with water and food and went back to Joplin. We handed out half of it in the damaged area and dropped the rest at a drop site to be handed out later. Needless to say, I had been up for about 40 hours and was exhausted when we got home.

The next day, Pastor Chad and a few others took the 24ft trailer back again. I went to church and helped load a 53ft tractor trailer with even more supplies, this time included clothes, diapers, and toys. We delivered the semi load to Messenger College just on the outskirts of Joplin.

Needless to say this has been the best worst month of vacation. Yes, all of my plans got cancelled and I worked way too much, but I got to use my talents and the desire God gave me to help others. Now, I don't want to sound like I'm having a pity party, but sometimes I feel like I am the most overlooked person at church because everything I do is behind the scenes, however when these days that I get to help happen, God takes all that away and his joy and love overflow from my heart.

So what is all this rambling really about? I know I have said this before, but wherever God has you is where he wants you to be. Do what God has asked you to do not what you want people to see you do. No matter how little the task, in God's kingdom it is huge. Just remember this (this has become my motto for serving at church), God may be the only one who sees what you do, but everyone will see when you don't do what he has asked you to do.

I hope someone can get a lift from reading this. I know that it has lifted me just writing it down. Thanks for stopping by and God bless...

Fork in the Road...

“Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it. Matthew 7:13-14

Ok, so at Destiny Church we have an amazing leader in Pastor Chad, and every once and a while one of his thoughts gets completely stuck in my head and I mull over it for a while. His most recent series is called Roadtrip, and this last week he spoke on asking forgiveness then turning around and going back to our sin (aka, Dead Man Walking).

As I have thought about this, I have had a few sayings and thoughts come into my head. The most notable would be: like a dog returns to its vomit. That is how most of us are with our Christian lives. We want our sins to be covered by grace, but we won't stop living in sin. We ask God to forgive our sins and then we turn back to our lying, cheating, lust, porn, bitterness, or whatever it is that is a sin in your life.

Question: How stupid can we be? We have been offered the greatest gift ever in existence and we turn our back on it as soon as we walk out of the church doors. It's no wonder this world is going down the drain. If the world can't tell we are Christians, how will God know.

A line that has become famous from the movie Batman Begins is: "Why do we fall? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up." Well, here is my question, why do we have to fall repeatedly? We are all sinners and fall short, but why must we continually choose to sin? Forgive me for saying it this way, but we are the most stupid animals on the face of the earth. We are the only beings on this planet that do things against our better judgement and that hurt us or the people around us.

It's time to choose. Everyone is at a fork in the road. In one direction, a wide and easy path that leads to death, and many take this road. In the other; a straight, narrow, harder path that leads to life, and very few choose this road.

I'm not saying you cant have cool clothes or have a nice car. I'm saying that we have to choose God. It's harder than what it sounds, but aren't the hardest things in life the most rewarding? We must find time for God each day. Get in his word, pray, do things for others with no strings attached. We must be Christ for this world until He returns for us!!!

I have decided to take the narrow path and make a more conscious effort to avoid sins in my life. I don't expect to be perfect. I may stumble and fall, but I can still strive for His perfection.

You have now been challenged, I hope you will join me on this path. Together we can make it. Thanks for stopping by and God Bless...

Endurance: The New Virtue...

Hebrews 12:1-2

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.

It seems that here recently I have been put through the ringer more times than I care to count. I have repeatedly wondered and asked God why I have had to endure these situations. My wife and I have had to fight depression, loneliness, feelings of being pushed away from our friends, and at times feeling like God had turned his back on us. At one point it was so bad, we almost decided to sell everything and move somewhere else and start over.

Slowly I have started to realize what has been going on. During this time we continued to seek God's will in our lives and stay in his word. I have continually ran across scriptures that talk about enduring the race of life and making it to the finish line. Our endurance and resolve continues to every day because we continually look to Him for our strength and guidance. I'm not talking like what should we have for lunch or exactly how we should spend our money, but the stuff that needs guidance not discernment or conscience.

Needless to say we are following what God wants us to do, not what our emotions have been telling us to do. Things are becoming easier, not perfect but easier. Like a long distance runner in training, our endurance is making us stronger in Him. Maybe not all at once, but a little each day.

God has something big planned for our little family, and if you follow him and let him stretch you and point you in the right direction, you will find your endurance in life growing.

My prayer for today: God don't let me stumble. Let me endure on in what you would have me do today. Surround me with friends and loved ones that will strengthen me and lift me up. Let me be there to lift someone else up as well and help them run the race of life.

Thanks for stopping by and God Bless...

Sqwashing Giants...

This morning when my wife got up to go to the gym, I felt this amazing pull to spend time with God. So I spent time in prayer and then went and did my daily bible reading. I came across and interesting thought and felt like sharing it.

Last fall I decided to do something that I had never really done, read completely through the Bible. No longer would I just open to a page and throw a dart and hope for a revelation of how wonderful God is. Actually study Gods word and let it change my life.

Anyways, this morning part of my reading was in Numbers Chapter 13, where God told the Israelite's to go into Canaan and explore their promised land. I knew this story from Sunday School growing up, but God gave me a fresh perspective this morning. In this chapter, Moses sent out leaders from every tribe of Israel to explore and scout the land. He asked them to look for several things while they were exploring. After 40 days the chosen scouts returned to where the Israelite's were camped to give their report. All the scouts were excited for the land, because as God promised, it was a land flowing with milk and honey. They even brought back amazing amounts of fruit to show how fertile the land was. However, giants lived in the land and all of the scouts except one said they would die trying to take the land. Verse 13 says, "Then Caleb silenced the people before Moses and said 'We should go up and take possession of the land, we can certainly do it.'" After that the other scouts began to make excuses due to the giants in the land and saying how small they were in the eyes of the giants. They even went as far to say that they were grasshoppers in the eyes of these giants.

My thoughts settled on Caleb when I finished reading this chapter. What an amazing statement of faith in God. He believed God was going to do what he promised when no one else did. He did not fear the future or who stood in the way. God made a promise and would keep it.

So here is my thought, the future that God has laid out for us is our own personal Canaan. God has promised us an amazing future, and when we look through His eyes at it we see how amazing that future really is. However, we let doubters (sometimes this includes ourselves) begin to say how big the giants are that stand in the way of this amazing future. So, if I am a grasshopper to a giant that is in my way, how big is God to move that giant out of the way? Isn't that giant like a grasshopper to God? Hmmm...

I just have a simple prayer to end this. God please let me see you and your plan for me over the giants that are in my future, and help me to boldly face them when I come face to face with them.

Thanks for stopping by and God Bless...

Running Revelations...

I'm gonna try to make this short and sweet, but I just have to share this. I love to run outside. I have really missed doing it this winter. There is a walking/running track 3/4 mile from my house that I run to, it is 0.8 miles around. I normally run to the track, do two or three laps and run home.

This morning I was listening to the music that I stream to my phone and there was a popular song that came on that talks about God taking you under his wings. There is a line where they hold out the phrase "You're not alone" that just hit me in the heart. It made me want to take off sprinting, but then a thought popped in my head. My run today is like the race of life that I am running. Sometimes when I am motivated I just want to take off sprinting, but if I do that, I will soon be wasted and unable to even walk. Just like running through life, if I get excited and just go as hard as I can without thinking about finishing, I will fall flat and unable to move.

Acts 20:24 says, However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me-the task of testifying to the good news of God's grace.

Thinking that this was a good thought to meditate on, I had a second thought thrown at me less than a mile later. I all of a sudden felt my shoe laces slapping the sides of my legs. Now, for a second I thought about just continuing to run, because I was making pretty good time. I quickly put that thought away and stopped to retie my shoes.

This made me think that occasionally we have to stop and tie up anything that might cause us to stumble during this race. I mean how good will we be if we trip and fall, then who knows how long we will be out of commission. We can't ignore the things in our lives that will make us stumble and fall. Otherwise, the problem will continue to grow until we are so tangled up and tripped up the we may give up and not want to get back up and continue on.

Galatians 5:7 says, "You were running a good race. Who cut in on you to keep you from obeying the truth?

Keep running the race of life. Find some friends to run it with. Hold each other up. Stay strong. Strive to finish. Don't stop. Keep going. It will be worth the reward.

Sorry this is longer than I wanted it to be. Thanks for stopping by and God Bless...