But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. - Ephesians 5:3 (NIV)
Ok, I've been thinking really hard about how to address this issue with single men. I've been married to the love of my life for almost 9 years, and it is hard to remember what things were like when I was single. Plus, I wasn't the most pure man during that point of my life. I have been reading a lot on the subject of purity, and I think I have figured out how to share my thoughts for single men.
First, let me say I do not envy any single men out there right now. The world is hyper-sexualized, and it is near impossible to get away from sexual stimulation. However, as Ephesians 5:3 states, we can not have even "a hint of sexual immorality." This is gonna sound kinda hard and harsh to you single guys, but remember all things are possible with Christ. Guys have to get rid of EVERY sexual stumbling block in their lives, whether single or married. This can be from the obvious mens pornographic magazines, your favorite movie or video game that has a scantly clad woman that makes you think dirty thoughts, or going to work a different way so you don't stop at the gas station where the popular mens magazines are sold. It can also mean hanging out with a different crowd or group of people at work. Just know this won't be a cake walk.
This is the part where you single guys will hate me. I have been reading the book Every Man's Battle, by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoker, and have discovered many things about the battle in men over sex. Men need to understand that we are sexual beings and that God has made sex for us to enjoy, but only after marriage. Men are aroused by visual stimulation more than anything. So for all men, but especially single men trying to stay pure for marriage, we have to fight a war with our eyes. The rest of this is pointed directly at single men, but you married men can take what you need to hear from what I have to say. The easiest way to win this war sounds easy, but make no mistake it is not. You must make the conscious decision to not look at any visual stimulation that would cause us to lust after a woman. Like I mentioned, easier said than done.
You might ask, "What does this include?" Obviously it includes porn; movies that contain nudity; magazines that show women that may not be nude, but are almost nude in sexually provocative positions; Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition; posters and calendars of bikini babes; and any thing else that might make you fantasize about the woman you are looking at. Sounds harsh doesn't it. Here is my question to you, do you want to win this war? How pure do you want to be for your future wife? The more pure you are, the better chance you have of seeing the lady you are dating as a person, not as an object to conquer sexually. She will respect you more for this, and an amazing bond may form that may lead to a wonderful marriage and life together.
Sound good?
I know it sounds hard so far, but don't the challenge deter you. Now for the hard part. You must make a covenant with your eyes not to look at anything that will cause you to lust. This means when the beautiful woman with the more-than-abundant cleavage comes jogging by you while you are out running, you must look away. When you go to the lake during the summer, you must not dwell on those string bikinis and the curves they are covering (or not covering). You must divert your eyes to keep these mental photos from being stuck in your mind, and becoming your personal fantasy when you get home.
You single men must realize that even us married men struggle with this part, but it is possibly the most important battle you must win in this fight. If you can make the decision in your heart and make a habit of looking the other way, you will win this war. Now, I know things will catch your attention, but you must learn to "bounce" your eyes away. This means as soon as you see it, don't linger and move your vision somewhere else. Don't let the things that catch your eye lead you to lust and sin. Learn this habit and you will be well on your way.
Here is my final thought for you single guys. Get some other single men, or married men you trust, to help keep you accountable. Get a program like X3 to monitor your web history with an accountability partner. Find men you trust, be honest with each other, and fight to win this war.
Ultimately, the choice is up to you on whether you want to win this war and be pure or not. How bad do you hate your sin and addictions? Do you hate it bad enough to fight with every fiber of your being? What will you give up to win this war? Think about it, then decide whether or not to fight.
Thanks for stopping by and God Bless...
Ok, I've been thinking really hard about how to address this issue with single men. I've been married to the love of my life for almost 9 years, and it is hard to remember what things were like when I was single. Plus, I wasn't the most pure man during that point of my life. I have been reading a lot on the subject of purity, and I think I have figured out how to share my thoughts for single men.
First, let me say I do not envy any single men out there right now. The world is hyper-sexualized, and it is near impossible to get away from sexual stimulation. However, as Ephesians 5:3 states, we can not have even "a hint of sexual immorality." This is gonna sound kinda hard and harsh to you single guys, but remember all things are possible with Christ. Guys have to get rid of EVERY sexual stumbling block in their lives, whether single or married. This can be from the obvious mens pornographic magazines, your favorite movie or video game that has a scantly clad woman that makes you think dirty thoughts, or going to work a different way so you don't stop at the gas station where the popular mens magazines are sold. It can also mean hanging out with a different crowd or group of people at work. Just know this won't be a cake walk.
This is the part where you single guys will hate me. I have been reading the book Every Man's Battle, by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoker, and have discovered many things about the battle in men over sex. Men need to understand that we are sexual beings and that God has made sex for us to enjoy, but only after marriage. Men are aroused by visual stimulation more than anything. So for all men, but especially single men trying to stay pure for marriage, we have to fight a war with our eyes. The rest of this is pointed directly at single men, but you married men can take what you need to hear from what I have to say. The easiest way to win this war sounds easy, but make no mistake it is not. You must make the conscious decision to not look at any visual stimulation that would cause us to lust after a woman. Like I mentioned, easier said than done.
You might ask, "What does this include?" Obviously it includes porn; movies that contain nudity; magazines that show women that may not be nude, but are almost nude in sexually provocative positions; Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition; posters and calendars of bikini babes; and any thing else that might make you fantasize about the woman you are looking at. Sounds harsh doesn't it. Here is my question to you, do you want to win this war? How pure do you want to be for your future wife? The more pure you are, the better chance you have of seeing the lady you are dating as a person, not as an object to conquer sexually. She will respect you more for this, and an amazing bond may form that may lead to a wonderful marriage and life together.
Sound good?
I know it sounds hard so far, but don't the challenge deter you. Now for the hard part. You must make a covenant with your eyes not to look at anything that will cause you to lust. This means when the beautiful woman with the more-than-abundant cleavage comes jogging by you while you are out running, you must look away. When you go to the lake during the summer, you must not dwell on those string bikinis and the curves they are covering (or not covering). You must divert your eyes to keep these mental photos from being stuck in your mind, and becoming your personal fantasy when you get home.
You single men must realize that even us married men struggle with this part, but it is possibly the most important battle you must win in this fight. If you can make the decision in your heart and make a habit of looking the other way, you will win this war. Now, I know things will catch your attention, but you must learn to "bounce" your eyes away. This means as soon as you see it, don't linger and move your vision somewhere else. Don't let the things that catch your eye lead you to lust and sin. Learn this habit and you will be well on your way.
Here is my final thought for you single guys. Get some other single men, or married men you trust, to help keep you accountable. Get a program like X3 to monitor your web history with an accountability partner. Find men you trust, be honest with each other, and fight to win this war.
Ultimately, the choice is up to you on whether you want to win this war and be pure or not. How bad do you hate your sin and addictions? Do you hate it bad enough to fight with every fiber of your being? What will you give up to win this war? Think about it, then decide whether or not to fight.
Thanks for stopping by and God Bless...
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